After April
by CrazyCanuk
Summary: Immediatly after Gwen and Gavin, Lorelai's reaction. May be oneshot, unless persuaded otherwise.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Lorelai slowly walked back to the booth in a daze and in shock over what just happened. Suddenly, she realized that Rory was talking to her and from the look on her face, had been for some time.

"Mom? Mom? Are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm okay sweetie. Just need to take a walk. I'll be back in 10 minutes". And with that, Lorelai resumed her daze-walking, avoiding questions from Rory, and trying not to cry.

30minutes later, Lorelai still wasn't back and Rory was starting to worry. Her Mom didn't look that great earlier, and she suspected that she couldn't run to Luke like usual. So Rory turned to Lane, and asked her to take over the booth for a bit, and then proceeded to briskly walk (Gilmore's NEVER run) in the same direction as Lorelai. As she passed the diner, Luke looked out the window and saw her brisk walk and concerned expression. He had seen Lorelai walk past earlier, and just thought she was getting something for the booth. But now, with Rory passing, he began to suspect that something was very wrong. Closing the diner quickly, he followed Rory, not too close, in case everything was alright.

Rory found her Mom on the bridge, just sitting there as still as a rock. As she got closer, she could see the tear tracks down her cheeks.

"Mom? Mom?" Rory asked softly. "What's wrong?" At the sound of her voice, Lorelai jumped, and quickly swiped at her face, but the tears kept coming. Morosely she replied

"We postponed the wedding." Rory sat down and hugged her Mom while she let the story come out. Unbeknownst to the girls, Luke had just arrived, and was listening in on the conversation.

"What happened Mom?" Rory asked gently.

"Well, he apologized again for not telling me, saying he was confused. I get that, I do. Then I offered to help, then he started rambling how it was all too much, and I asked what was too much and he said April and… and the wedding and … and… so I offered to postpone the wedding, and he jumped at the chance Rory!" Throughout this speech she paused continually, letting the tears flow, but at the end she had to take a deep steadying breath. This had to be said. _Thank God Rory's here_ she thought before she started again.

"Why didn't he tell me? Why doesn't he trust me? Didn't he want my help? Why did he want to do this alone? She's a part of the family. Families DO stuff together. They TELL things to each other. Doesn't he want to marry me? And then he said meet me at his place. HIS place Rory. His place is OUR place! Has he even moved out? Am I just Nicole? Doesn't he love me? Why won't he marry me?" With every question, the sobs grew louder, and the agitation increased. Rory didn't know what to say. She'd never seen her Mom doubt herself so much, besides that time when they broke up. It pained her to see her like this, especially when she was so close to getting everything she wanted.

"Mom, it'll work out. He loves you, you know he does. He's waited forever for you. This won't stop your wedding. He still wants to marry you. He trusts you. Shhh Mom… It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay." Rory rubbed Lorelai's back in a gesture of comfort and continued to hug her Mom.

"Mom you should tell Luke how you feel. You should tell him and not pretend your okay with this."

"No Rory I can't! That's what he was talking about. It's all too much! He's had to deal with emotional Lorelai for 5months, 3weeks and 16 days. I can't lay this on him now. I have to be there for him. I have to support him… even if he doesn't want me." Her voice started out so strong but ended up in a whisper as she stared unseeingly at the lake. Rory continued her back rubbing and hugging, out of things to say. Luke was the only one who could fix this, and who knew how long he'd wait this time.

Luke had heard all of it. The questioning that pained him, pained him to think that he had caused this. He had made her vulnerable, had made her cry. And that last part, about not being able to tell him how she felt, that hurt even more. He now knew what he sounded like to her, and he couldn't blame her. Quietly, he slowly walked back to the diner, deep in thought.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, so I didn't really know where to go with this, so I tried. I'm sorry if it's not great, and if you imagined better, well then all the more power to you and ignore this.

After a while, the two girls got up and walked back to their booth, arm in arm. Lorelai took the time to prepare for her act – one she was now an expert at. Pretending Everything Was Fine. _Honestly, I shoulda won an Oscar for this by now!_ She braced herself, and erected her defences, making them as strong as the Great Wall of China. Rory took the time to glance at her mother, worried about how she was going to deal with this, and also trying desperately to think how she could help. Before either of them knew it, the festival was over and the booth was packed up. Lorelai internally sighed, but the sharp glance from Rory indicated that it was not as internal as she thought.

"Just go and talk to him Mom. I'll be at home if you need me. Remember, he loves you." And with that, she gently pushed her Mom in the direction of the diner, leaving Lorelai no choice but to face him. _No running this time_ was the implied message, and Lorelai received it loud and clear.

Standing outside of the dimly lit diner though, she took a moment. It was always harder to hide her emotions from Luke, he knew her too well. _Hiding things is what got us here in the first place. Again. But it's not fair to him. This isn't MY problem; he made sure of that_ she thought spitefully. She heaved one more sigh, made sure the wall had no peepholes, and walked in. She made a beeline for the counter and sat down, waiting for Luke.

Luke was upstairs in his apartment when he heard the bells. He knew who it was; he just wasn't sure what he should do. _Should I tell her I overheard her and Rory? Should I let her put up the walls? How do I deal with this? This wasn't in the book…_ He sighed and made his way downstairs, not surprised to see Lorelai in her spot on the counter. He was surprised however to see the hunched shoulders and the timidness that she radiated. He automatically took out her cup and filled it with coffee, setting it down in front of her. Without looking up, she took it and drank. _Here we go_ they both thought at the same time. However, the diner remained silent long after the coffee had been drunk. The empty cup was being continually turned by Lorelai's nervous hands. She had been silent too long, and that worried him.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked, concern filling his voice. That made her look up, but as soon as she did her eyes flew back to the coffee cup. That was safer.

"Yea… I'm fine" Her tone betrayed her though. _Damn this is too hard! Why is this so hard? Why can't I be there for him?_ Before she could make it stop, words trickled out of her mouth.

"What's her mom's name?" she quietly asked. Luke was surprised at the question, he knew she wasn't fine, but decided to go along. _She'll tell me when she's ready._

"Anna"

"What's she like?" _Oh boy_ Luke thought. _Where is she going with this?_

"Well, she's … nice I guess. I met her after Rachel broke up with me the first time. We didn't go out for long, I mean, she's a nice person, it's just, she wasn't it. We didn't even end it really, or at least I didn't consciously end it. We just sorta….stopped seeing each other." He quietly replied, now wishing that either she'd look up at him, or he at least had something to do with his hands. Instead, he settled for leaning against the counter, playing with his fingers. Lorelai still hadn't looked up, and a fair bit of silence passed before the next hesitant question came.

"Are you…are you going to go back to her? To be a family?" This was said even quieter, with tears lurking close in the background.

"No! No Lorelai I'm not leaving. Why would you ask that?" Luke was shocked at this. Even with the overheard conversation, he thought he had made his intentions clear. This was completely out of left field. He stilled the spinning coffee cup and grabbed at her hands. When they touched, she made an involuntary gasp and tensed, but didn't pull her hands away. Eventually he got an answer, typically longwinded.

"When Rory was growing up, sometimes, like Father's Day and her birthday, I really wanted Chris to be there. To be a family. The whole package. And now, with April… you're Christopher. No no" at this her head was shaking back and forth, causing the first round of pent up tears to slide down her cheeks. "I mean, you're in Christopher's place. I know you're not like Chris, you're there, and dependable, and trust worthy, and always want to do the right thing and…" she trailed off, no longer being able to continue. Luke freed one of is hands and gently placed it on her chin, forcing her to look up.

"Lorelai I'm not leaving. It didn't work between me and Anna. She didn't tell me about April because she didn't even know for sure if I was the father. We're too different. I want to be here, with you. I'm not leaving." He enforced his statements by gently wiping the tears away. But yet again, he was in for a surprise. Angrily, Lorelai freed her hands and pushed him away.

"So then if you're staying why did you jump at postponing the wedding? Why didn't you trust me to help you with the April situation? Why did you say YOUR place? Am I Nicole?" She was sobbing now. Luke had known this was coming; this was what she said to Rory on the bridge. But he still didn't know how to comfort her without pushing her away. _But I have to try._

"No, Lorelai, you're not Nicole. When I said my place, I meant the diner. I knew we had to talk, and this seems to be the place where we have serious conversations. Lorelai, do you remember the night that Rory came back? When you came in here?" Confused by the change in topic, and also by his tone, Lorelai stopped crying and looked up, nodding slightly and urging him with his eyes to continue.

"That night, that night was the night I found out about April. I was planning on telling you right away, but then you bounded in, and you were so happy. I hadn't seen you that happy since she left. And I knew that if I told you then, that it'd wreak it. It'd wreak your happiness that night, and you deserved to celebrate. So I didn't tell you." At this, the waterworks had started again, but this time it was Lorelai who reached out and grasped his hands, holding them so tight to make sure he'd never go.

"After a while, after having Rory back was normal, it just got easier to not tell you I guess. It was a hard topic to bring up. Then the wedding plans started, and I felt that I was holding something back. I mean, I WAS holding something back. We were supposed to tell each other everything, and I couldn't tell you that I had a kid! What does that say about our relationship? Why couldn't I tell you? What's wrong with me?" Luke slipped into rant mode, and now Lorelai understood. She understood what he meant when he said it was all too fast. She understood and now was her chance to be there for him. She took her hand and cupped Luke's cheek, forcing him to look into her teary eyes.

"Luke, Luke it's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. I understand. You didn't tell me about your daughter because mine had just come back. I get it. I'm so sorry that you couldn't tell me. It is a hard topic to broach, I get that too. I'm here. I'll help. Let me help. You can tell me anything, no matter how hard it is or when, okay? I'm there for you. Its okay, Luke." She got up off the stool and slowly made her way around the counter, hugging him and whispering "It's going to be okay." This comforted Luke more than anything else, and they stood there, healing the wounds, showing that they were there for each other. After a while, Luke pulled back to look in her eyes, and said

"I'm not holding back now." Hope had begun to shine in Lorelai's eyes, but she cautiously replied

"Are you sure?" Luke just looked at her and nodded. Confidence was prevalent in his expression, and joy.

"June 3 sounds like a good day for a wedding" he replied. Lorelai's face lit up with joy, and then they kissed, sealing the deal and one step closer to June 3.

End


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